That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
