Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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