I just threw up on my dentist
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
