I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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