I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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