so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
