went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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