i think my mom watched the whole time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
