Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
