Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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