a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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