i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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