and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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