How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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