Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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