'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
