Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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