I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
