I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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