I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
