yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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