anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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