Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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