Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
