i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
