Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
