so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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