Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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