How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
