Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
