I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
