Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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