Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it glows. i had to have it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
