Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
