well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
