No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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