I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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