So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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