I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
