I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
