while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
