listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
