Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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