i already hear my dad disowning me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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