i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
