Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
