wrigley field is MILF paradise
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
