Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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