well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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