I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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