this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize