Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
