I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
