I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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