just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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