Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
