note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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