Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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