id be glad to
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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