I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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