So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."