We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator