plz talk dirty to me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back