she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.