Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
