Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
