Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
