She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
