sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
