he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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