Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
