Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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