Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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