Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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