Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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