are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
