I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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