some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
