you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
