your parents love me but you hate me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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