so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
