I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?