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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  That's weird, I usually just count sheep

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?

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• (619): View more from California

  The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.

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• 

  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (916): View more from California

  I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.

  Fav 1 249 186

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?

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