We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
