I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
