i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
