There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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