Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
don't judge my taste in strippers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize