just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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