my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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