Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
