Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I forget how to act sober
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