I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
