If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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