She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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