I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.