The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...