whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Better not shit yourself at the gym.