The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.