you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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