You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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