It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
