He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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