I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
