Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize