did you get engaged???
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
