I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
did i walk over a car last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
