i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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