apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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